Showing posts with label Comics. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Comics. Show all posts

Reel Deal, No Sex Appeal Episode XXXVII: Spawn

Crack open a cold one with the boys and do YOUR part for Hell's Army by watching Spawn! Chris tries desperately to defend John Leguizamo's performance, while Parker misses an opportunity to make a Dabo Swinney joke. For those of you wondering at home: it's so much worse than you remember. 

Listen to it here

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Reel Deal, No Sex Appeal Episode XXXIV: Catwoman

Crack open a cold White Russian - hold the ice, hold the vodka, hold the kahlua - with the boys, as they whip up one of their best episodes yet! The director's name is Pitof.

Listen to it here

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Reel Deal, No Sex Appeal Episode XXXIII: Black Panther

Crack open a cold one with the boys and gear up for a hearty Black Panther discussion! Chris admits it's one of the best superhero movies ever made, and Parker tries desperately to pretend he's not a white boy from Texas.

Listen to it here

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Episode XXI: Batman Forever and Batman & Robin

First I made Chris watch 3 unbearable hours of Batman v Superman. Then I made him pay real American dollars to go see Justice League opening weekend. Well, as you know, revenge is a dish best served cold: ice cold. Nobody ever told him not to hit a man while he's down because he hit me with the one-two punch of Schumacher Batman movies. We touch on the 2 Burton films, but let's be honest with each other, you're here for the ice puns.  

Listen to it here

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Episode XX: Justice League

Wew lads. After our heroic journey through the 3 hour Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (Ultimate Edition), we have returned to tackle the biggest movie of the year the biggest movie of the month a movie. Crack open a cold one with the boys as we try to watch Justice League without falling asleep! Parker notes how this movie reminds him of another subset of movies, while Chris explains how the movie is the most heartless, soulless movie he's seen in months.

Wonder Woman or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Matriarchy

Pop quiz hotshot: Why is there no Wonder Man? That's what I thought, Libs.

X-Men 10: Wolverine 3: Logan

I have been dreaming of this Wolverine since I was a fat little kid watching the 90's cartoon and putting knifes between my fingers like an asshole. As a fat little adult, I can say it was worth the wait. 

Ranking the Comic Book Movies of 2016

2016 has come and gone and somehow by the grace of God we're still alive, even if we're only living in the most literal sense of the word. There were eight comic book movies plopped into theaters last year, squeezing every red cent out of my already empty pockets. Time and time again I left the theater and opened my wallet like a Looney Toon and let the moths fly out. I'm a fat guy on the Internet, so why wouldn't I rate them? That's what I'm here for: to pick apart things that other people love to give myself a sense of purpose. I'm only doing the theatrical releases, so I'm not including the DC animated movies. Why? Because I don't want to.

Funny story, I wrote the intro last and it was only then that I remembered The Killing Joke was in theaters for one night via Fathom Events. Am I going to go back and add it? Nope. There's a review already and spoilers: it fucking sucks. 

So sit back and enjoy this page sponsored by Marvel Studios, the company that pays me to talk about their amazing and ground breaking content. 

Ranking the Marvel Cinematic Universe

The Marvel Cinematic Universe has dug its roots deep into my life and what has blossomed is a reality consumed by bright lights, CGI, and Chris Hemsworth's biceps. I don't live anymore, I merely exist between releases. So here it is, the absolute objective indisputable etched-in-stone ranking of the MCU.

Batman: The Killing Joke - One Bad Day

This is it, folks. The whole enchilada. An adaptation of one of the most famous Batman stories in history. The definitive telling of Batman and Joker's rivalry. One bad day. Oh yeah, and also Batgirl has a hole in her spine that only Bruce Wayne can fill. 

Suicide Squad - It's Guardians of the Galaxy, But Not the Good Kind Like You Want

We've got it. The worst of the worst.

More like the Dirty Doesn't. My column: 

Fantastic Four (Percent Rotten)

Fantastic Four
Directed by: Josh Trank 
Starring: Miles Teller, Michael B. Jordan, Kate Mara, Jamie Bell, Toby Kebbell
Release Date: August 7, 2015
Run Time: Approximately 900 minutes

I don't know if you guys heard any of the buzz, but apparently a lot of people dislike this movie.

Ant-Man - [Insert Penis Joke Here]

Directed By: Peyton Reed
Starring: Paul Rudd, Michael Douglas, Evangeline Lilly, Corey Stoll
Release Date: July 17, 2015
Run Time: 117 minutes

Maybe we can finally cut this "is this going to be the first terrible Marvel movie?" shit out.