Showing posts with label Horror. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Horror. Show all posts

Silent Hill 3 - Just a Little Bit Overrated


Taking a break from my massive Tekken retrospective, I deigned to play the original Silent Hill  a couple days ago. It still holds up as one of my favorite games ever made, and my pick for the scariest game ever made. Even though the 1999 PS1-era graphics make it look like the Blocky Horror Picture Show, the first Silent Hill game is fascinating in just how well it succeeds at creating an effectively chilling, horrific atmosphere. There are flaws, to be sure; the aforementioned graphical limitations do no favors unless one is into that sort of thing (like I am), the voice acting is about as bad as one might expect for a PS1-era survival horror game, and it's a bit hard to buy the idea of an all-powerful cult when you only see one of its members, yet I find myself replaying it at least once a year to remind myself just how scary it is and how engrossing the atmosphere is. Silent Hill to be one of the absolute finest games ever made.

Goosebumps - The Haunted Mask (Part 1)


The Haunted Mask (Part 1)
Season 1 - Episode 1
Aired October 27, 1995
Directed by Timothy Bond
Starring a ton of Canadians

Horror Movies in 2017 - I'm Mad As Hell About Sequels and I'm Gonna Tweet About It

2016 was an amazing year for horror. Not only were low budget, independent studios putting out some of my favorite movies of the year, but even major studios were consistently cranking out some solid scares. I'm still riding high off that sweet, sweet adrenaline rush so I decided to compile a constantly-updating, ever expanding list of big horror releases for this year. 

This will be updated throughout the year because amazing five star movies just appear out of nowhere at a festival in Toronto or Austin or pop up on Netfilx without warning. This will consist of all theatrical releases and then a smattering of notable Netflix/Hulu/Shudder exclusives as well as direct to DVD. I won't do every single one of those because I only have a finite amount of time left in this world. 


A Nightmare on Elm Street - Stay Away from Uncle Freddy's Puzzle Basement



Wherein a wisecracking high school janitor teaches kids to believe in their dreams

The Phantom Carriage - A Bit of Class Between Wiener Jokes



Or as the Swedes call it, 
Körkarlen. We’ll get there fast and then we’ll take it slow. 

The Fog - Tom Atkins' Groovy Pirate Ghost Mystery




Out of all of John Carpenter's movies, this is one of them.


Green Room - The Feel Bad Movie of the Year


Green Room Poster from IMP AwardsGreen Room Poster from IMP Awards


It's Summer time in the city and you know what they say: no shirt, no shoes, no problem. Put down your textbooks and pick up a book and lay down next to the pool. You've earned it. The Sun is shining, you've got a cocktail with a cute little umbrella in it, and your only concern is getting ambushed by a barrage of water balloons. Sun's out, fun's out, and what better way to soak in the good vibes than watching a 90 minute nightmare? 

10 Cloverfield Lane - Mary, This is Not 'Nam. There Are Rules.

10 Cloverfield Lane Poster


A movie so racked with tension, so claustrophobic and stressful, I threw my hands in the air and yelled "fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck" while pacing in circles not once but twice. And that was on my second viewing in the comfort of my own home.  

Silent Night, Deadly Night - Santa's Watching, Santa's Creeping



Silent Night, Deadly Night
Directed by: Charles Sellier
Starring: Nobody
Release Date: November 9, 1984
Run Time: 85 minutes
Body Count: 13

In the Winter of 1984 a slasher directed by the man who created Grizzly Adams snuck into theaters. The poster depicted an axe-wielding Santa Claus going down a chimney and old white people were less than thrilled about it. It opened on the same day as A Nightmare on Elm Street and made more money at the box office, but the power of middle class white people was too strong to fight and it was unceremoniously yanked from theaters. So what is so special about this silly little Santa Claus murder movie? Why does this film have such a strong cult following, and why in God’s name are there four sequels? Let’s dive in. If the movie itself is even half as good as its name, we should be in business.

Jack Frost - The Most Important Film Duology Since Drumline




Santa's Slay - The Most Important Wrestler-Dressed-As-Santa-Murdering-People Film of Our Generation


GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLDBERG

Friday the 13th - It's Got A Death Curse



Friday the 13th
Directed by: Sean S. Cunningham 
Starring: Betsy Palmer, Adrienne King, Kevin Bacon, Not Kevin Bacon, Ms. Not Kevin Bacon
Release Date: May 9, 1980
Run Time: 95 minutes 

Body Count: 11 (if you include the snake)


In the late 1970's an exploitation filmmaker named Sean S. Cunningham placed a full page ad in the papers to drum up interest in a movie. He had no backing, no script, just a name: Friday the 13th ..."The most terrifying film ever made!" The name sounded cool and nobody sued him over it, and that was all the green-lighting he needed. He took the most memorable parts of Halloween and Psycho, sprinkled in some Kevin Bacon, and a franchise was born. 

The Green Inferno - We Get It. You Really Like Cannibal Holocaust


 
The Green Inferno
Directed by: Eli Roth
Starring: Eli Roth's Wife, some other people
Release Date: September 25, 2015
Run Time: 100 minutes


...It probably sat on the shelf for two years because it’s really good, right?

Creep - What the Hell Am I Doing Here?



Creep
Directed by: Patrick Brice
Starring: Patrick Brice, Mark Duplass
Release Date: June 23, 2015
Run Time: 80 minutes

Get it. Like the Radiohead song. I'm so fuckin clever. 

Human Centipede 3 - Do Not Watch This Garbage Movie



The Human Centipede III (Final Sequence)
Directed by: Tom Six
Starring: Dieter Laser, Laurence R. Harvey
Release Date: May 22, 2015
Run Time: 102 minutes

Hey guys, let’s all agree to stop giving Tom Six money and never speak of this movie ever again. 

The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence) - The Legend of Curly’s Gold



The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence)
Directed by: Tom Six
Starring: Laurence R. Harvey, Nobody Else 
Release Date: October 7, 2011
Run Time: 91 minutes

Now with 100% more rape and projectile shitting 

The Human Centipede (First Sequence) - 2 Hot Teens Go Ass To Mouth And You Won't Believe What Happens Next





It's not just a movie about going ass to mouth. It's a 100% medically accurate movie about going ass to mouth. 

Zombeavers - The Angriest Beavers



In World War II, Rick Blaine, exiled American and former freedom fighter, runs the most popular nightspot in town. The cynical lone wolf Blaine comes into the possession of two valuable letters of transit. When Nazi Major Strasser arrives in Casablanc-ah shit, wrong movie.


The Guest - What's A Handsome Guy Like You Doing In A Place Like This?


The Guest
Directed by: Adam Wingard
Written by: Simon Barrett 


Starring: Dan Stevens, Maika Monroe
Release Date: September 17, 2014 
Run Time: 100 minutes

David (Dan Stevens) is a gorgeous, beautiful hunk of dudemeat sculpted out of the finest marble by the Gods above. He’s also a soldier returning from active duty and paying a visit to the Peterson family. The Petersons are still grieving over the recent death of their son Caleb, who served alongside David. David is polite. He doesn’t eat or drink much. He rarely sleeps. His sole mission is to help the Petersons with anything they need. Whether it’s helping their son Luke with school bullies or lending his ear to dad as he rants about getting passed up for a promotion, David just wants to make their lives easier. Their daughter Ana begins to suspect David might not really be who he says he is. And then some people wind up dead. 

You're Next - Surprise Crossbows & Home Alone Traps



You're Next
Directed by: Adam Wingard
Written by: Simon Barrett
Starring: Sharni Vinson, A.J. Bowen, Joe Swanberg 
Release Date: August 23, 2013 
Run Time: 94 minutes

The Davison family are having a reunion in their secluded vacation home in the woods to celebrate mom and dad’s 35th wedding anniversary. Mommy and Daddy Davison, their four children and their spouses all gather at the house and tensions immediately boil over. The fighting is cut short when a tumultuous dinner is interrupted by an assault from relentless animal-masked murderers. Overpowered and out of their element at first, the family is surprised to learn that Erin, girlfriend of the fat sheep of the family, Crispian (whose name I refuse to acknowledge as a real name), was trained by her father as a survivalist expert for 15 years and has a series of Kevin McCallister traps for this very occasion.