Showing posts with label Retrospective. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Retrospective. Show all posts

Army of Darkness - Hail to the King, Baby



Army of Darkness (1992)
Directed by: Sam Raimi 
Starring: Bruce Campbell and Bruce Campbell 
Release date: February 19, 1933
Running time: 80 minutes

I tried to go in without thinking about the cult status or all of the hype I've heard about this movie over the years. It's one of those movies where even if you've never seen a single frame of it, it's so ingrained in pop culture that you know everything about it. You know Ash, you know the chainsaw, you know the boomstick, you know "groovy." You know most of the beats without ever even knowing who Bruce Campbell is. I tried to put all that aside and go in fresh. It's impossible to go in completely blind, but I'm only going in with a bit of knowledge about it. Most importantly the fact that it's not called Evil Dead 3 for a reason. I'm hoping it still retains a bit of the horror that made me love Evil Dead 2 so much without going completely over the top, but I get a strong feeling I'm not going to get any of it. 


Evil Dead II - Dead By Dawn



Evil Dead II (1987)
Directed by: Sam Raimi 
Starring: Bruce Campbell and 4 other people 
Release date: March 13, 1987
Running time: 84 minutes


Back again in my continuing series of "the most important movies of a particular genre that I've never seen." Up until I started this, I had never seen an entire Evil Dead movie, but sat through that entire piece of shit White Noise where Michael Keaton sees ghosts in video tapes. The first step is admitting you have a problem...

This is the part where I'd normally warn about spoilers, but I think I'm the last person from my generation to watch it, so why bother? Big chinned idiot plays a tape, puts a chainsaw on his hand, kills demons. It's your standard Shakesperean farce. 

Escape from L.A. - Are You A Bad Enough Dude to Rescue the President (Again)?


Escape from L.A. (1996)
Directed by: John Carpenter
Starring: Kurt Russell, Stacy Keach, Steve Buscemi, Peter Fonda, Georges Corraface
Release date: August 9, 1996
Running time: 101 minutes

I had never seen this movie before. The only things I knew going in were "Snake Plissken" and "surfing." That's it. I had no idea I was going to see a movie from 15 years earlier replayed beat for beat, but with a whole bunch of stupid thrown in. It’s like they dumped the first movie into a blender and poured in some Surge, Blink 182's Cheshire Cat, and a couple episodes of Rocket Power and blended the shit out of them. Funny enough, that combination sounds like the best possible movie. 

This review is spoiler filled so if you haven’t seen it yet…

Watch this movie if: You want to watch Escape from New York with a heavy dose of totally radical 90's 

The Evil Dead - One By One We Will Take You

evil dead poster



The Evil Dead (1981)
Directed by: Sam Raimi 
Starring: Bruce Campbell and 4 other people 
Release date: October 15, 1981
Running time: 85 minutes

I wanted to change it up and do some horror. I had a lot of series I could do: the obvious big slasher ones like Halloween, Friday, and Nightmare. As I was going down my DVD shelf I spotted the Evil Dead series and realized I had never seen a single one of them. I own 5 Wrong Turns and the fucking direct to DVD third installment of the “I Know What You Did Last Summer” franchise but I’d never seen a single Evil Dead movie start to finish. This makes me an asshole. 

This particular review is going to have a lot more “behind the scenes” stuff usual. I’m not trying to turn this into an IMDb trivia page, but anyone whose seen this movie knows how god damn ridiculous making it was, and for people like me who have never gotten around to watching it, it’s interesting to know how these 5 nobodies and a 20 year old with no money made a cheap movie in the middle of nowhere that went on to become one of the most influential horror movies ever.


This review is spoiler filled so if you haven’t seen it yet…

Watch this movie if: You don't want to be like me and be called a stupid piece of shit for not seeing it yet. 

Escape from New York - Are You A Bad Enough Dude to Rescue the President?



Escape from New York (1981)
Directed by: John Carpenter
Starring: Kurt Russell, Lee Van Cleef, Ernest Borgnine, Donald Pleasence, Isaac Hayes
Release date: July 10, 1981
Running time: 99 minutes

I had so much fun revisiting Big Trouble in Little China but I couldn't think of what to do next. I'll have done is action so far, and I've got a bookshelf filled with God awful horror movies just waiting for me to waste my time watching. Then I noticed this sitting on the shelf and realized I hadn't seen it in so long I barely remembered any of it. I'm so happy I took the time to revisit it because it's every bit as ridiculous as I remember.  

This review is spoiler filled so if you haven’t seen it yet…

Watch this movie if: You want to see Kurt Russell infiltrate a prison island to rescue President Dr. Loomis from Chef.


Big Trouble in Little China - Everybody Relax, I'm Here




Big Trouble in Little China (1986)
Directed by: John Carpenter
Starring: Kurt Russell, Kim Cattrall, Dennis Dun, James Hong, Victor Wong
Release date: July 2, 1986
Running time: 99 minutes
Number of "Ancient Chinese secret, huh" jokes in here: 0. I'm pretty proud of myself. 

When it comes to a director-actor pair that made a string of amazing movies that made literally no money, there isn't a better pair than John Carpenter and Kurt Russell. This is one of those movies that's great to use as a barometer for someone's taste. If you watch it and don't enjoy it, you can just delete my number out of your phone because you're essentially dead to me. Life is short, and I won't waste a second on it on someone who doesn't love Jack Burton. 

This review is spoiler filled so if you haven’t seen it yet…

Watch this movie if: You want to see Kurt Russell. That's all I'm putting here. If you don't want to see Kurt Russell then feel free to see yourself out, the door is behind you. 


Face/Off - I AM CASTOR TROY


I WANT TO TAKE HIS FACE...OFF


Face/Off (1997)
Directed by: John Woo
Starring: Nicolas Cage, John Travolta 
Release date: June 27, 1997
Running time: 138 minutes
Number of 'Travolta is gay' or Scientology jokes: 0. You should be impressed. 

This is it, the end of the trilogy. If Con Air was the Star Wars of funny accents, Face/Off is the Empire Strikes Back of stupid faces.

This review is spoiler filled so if you haven’t seen it yet…

Watch this movie if: You want to see Nicolas Cage be Nicolas Cage, and then John Travolta be Nicolas Cage. And doves. 

Con Air - Put the Bunny Back in the Box

WELCOME TO CON AIR


Con Air (1997)
Directed by: Simon West
Starring: Nicolas Cage, Nicolas Cage's Hair, John Cusack, John Malkovich
Release date: June 6, 1997
Running time: 115 minutes
Number of people who should have put the bunny back in the box: 1

This review is spoiler filled so if you haven’t seen it yet…

Watch this movie if: You want to see Nicolas Cage put as much work into a southern accent as he put into The Wicker Man while John Malkovich and his band of merry b-listers take over a plane. 

The Rock - Your 'Best?' Losers Always Whine About Their Best.

nic cage gif
WELCOME TO THE ROCK


The Rock (1996)
Directed by: Michael Bay
Starring: Sean Connery, Nicolas Cage, Ed Harris, Michael Biehn, William Forsythe
Release date: June 7, 1996
Running time: 136 minutes
Number of cutaways to black extras saying things like "aw hell naw:" at least 40

This is the beginning of the greatest film trilogy of all time. Not Mad Max, not Lord of the Rings, not Star Wars, not even The Mighty Ducks. Nicolas Cage is the star of the greatest stretch of 3 movies ever witnessed by man: The Rock - Con Air - Face/Off. The only way any trilogy could ever compare is if Return of the Jedi was replaced with Godfather 2 and Michael Corleone switched faces with the fat girl from Hairspray. Enough foreplay, let’s get into the Fellowship of the Rock.

This review is spoiler filled so if you haven’t seen it yet…

Watch this movie if: You want to see a buddy cop movie where Nicolas Cage and the original James Bond save the world from the bad guy from The Truman Show and his minions Dr. Cox and The Candyman. Basically, watch this movie if you like good movies.