A Christmas Story
Directed by: Bob Clark
Starring: no one of consequence
Writers: Jean Shepherd, Leigh Brown, Bob Clark
Do I hafta?: Yeah, you hafta.
A Nightmare on Elm Street - Stay Away from Uncle Freddy's Puzzle Basement
Wherein a wisecracking high school janitor teaches kids to believe in their dreams
Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers The Movie: Part 4
Film's Climax Produces Insurmountable Mental Breakdown
Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers The Movie: Part 3
Mom so help me God if McDonald's gives me the Rocky toy one more time I will raise Hell of a biblical magnitude in that shithole and that clown won't show his face if he knows what's good for him.
Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers The Movie: Part 2
In which I continue to mock this movie for being a cash grab, knowing good and Goddamned well I had every single Happy Meal toy.
The Handmaiden - Now with Less Octopus
I can't understand a god damned thing Bruce Dickinson is saying
The Phantom Carriage - A Bit of Class Between Wiener Jokes
Or as the Swedes call it, Körkarlen. We’ll get there fast and then we’ll take it slow.
The Fog - Tom Atkins' Groovy Pirate Ghost Mystery
Out of all of John Carpenter's movies, this is one of them.
Ranking the Marvel Cinematic Universe
The Marvel Cinematic Universe has dug its roots deep into my life and what has blossomed is a reality consumed by bright lights, CGI, and Chris Hemsworth's biceps. I don't live anymore, I merely exist between releases. So here it is, the absolute objective indisputable etched-in-stone ranking of the MCU.
NFL Week 2 Preview - No Officer, I Do Not See How My 'Dak Lives Matter' Shirt is Tasteless
Happy Sunday y’all. We’ve got a day full of exciting, pulse-pounding matchups and also Ravens vs Browns.
Batman: The Killing Joke - One Bad Day
This is it, folks. The whole enchilada. An adaptation of one of the most famous Batman stories in history. The definitive telling of Batman and Joker's rivalry. One bad day. Oh yeah, and also Batgirl has a hole in her spine that only Bruce Wayne can fill.
Suicide Squad - It's Guardians of the Galaxy, But Not the Good Kind Like You Want
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| We've got it. The worst of the worst. |
More like the Dirty Doesn't. My column:
The King of Iron Fist Retrospective Part 2 - Tekken 2
This is bullshit, Jeff. If you keep spamming the eye lasers I'm taking my Dualshock and going home.
Ghostbusters (2016) - The War on Men Begins with the Desecration of Dan Aykroyd's Ghost Blowjob
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Green Room - The Feel Bad Movie of the Year
It's Summer time in the city and you know what they say: no shirt, no shoes, no problem. Put down your textbooks and pick up a book and lay down next to the pool. You've earned it. The Sun is shining, you've got a cocktail with a cute little umbrella in it, and your only concern is getting ambushed by a barrage of water balloons. Sun's out, fun's out, and what better way to soak in the good vibes than watching a 90 minute nightmare?
Mortal Kombat - That Sonya Blade Is One Piece of Ace
Actually written by Chris the Intern, I'm an idiot who posted it on the wrong account.
Chris' opinions do not reflect or represent the views of terrible blog dot net.
God dammit Chris.
God dammit Chris.
10 Cloverfield Lane - Mary, This is Not 'Nam. There Are Rules.
A movie so racked with tension, so claustrophobic and stressful, I threw my hands in the air and yelled "fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck" while pacing in circles not once but twice. And that was on my second viewing in the comfort of my own home.
Enter the Dragon
Enter the Dragon
Directed
by: Robert Clouse
Starring:
Bruce Lee, John Saxon, Jim Kelly (the martial artist, not the former
Buffalo Bills quarterback)
Release
date: July 26, 1973
Runtime:
102 minutes
Jackie
Chan gets his ass kicked: three times!
Harlan Ellison’s Watching
Editor's note: Terrible Blog does not condone books, literature, or reading of any form.
Silent Night, Deadly Night - Santa's Watching, Santa's Creeping
Silent Night, Deadly Night
Directed by: Charles Sellier
Starring: Nobody
Release Date: November 9, 1984
Run Time: 85 minutes
Body Count: 13
In the Winter of 1984 a slasher directed by the man who created Grizzly Adams snuck into theaters. The poster depicted an axe-wielding Santa Claus going down a chimney and old white people were less than thrilled about it. It opened on the same day as A Nightmare on Elm Street and made more money at the box office, but the power of middle class white people was too strong to fight and it was unceremoniously yanked from theaters. So what is so special about this silly little Santa Claus murder movie? Why does this film have such a strong cult following, and why in God’s name are there four sequels? Let’s dive in. If the movie itself is even half as good as its name, we should be in business.