Reel Deal, No Sex Appeal Episode CXXIII: Star Wars Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker

The dead speak!

The decade comes to a dramatic conclusion with a new Star Wars film, but not the good kind like you want. The final episode of 2019 sees Chris, Parker, and Official Star Wars Correspondent Alex watch Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker and discuss it in excruciating detail. Spoilers: we did not care for it. 

No news segment, no recently watched, just 2 hours of the hottest Star Wars takes. 

Listen to it here

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If you're jonesing for more Star Wars, we also have episodes on Solo and The Last Jedi.

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Reel Deal, No Sex Appeal Episode LXXXVIII: The Lawnmower Man

Sometimes you pick a movie on a whim and it ends up being more glorious than anyone could have possibly imagined. Chris, Parker, and Alex dive into the true story of the first man to truly be Incredibly Online. More Godzilla movies in Chris' mad dash to see them all before King of the Monsters, Fantastic Memes and the Crimes of Grindelwald, and Alex's day at the theater. 

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Reel Deal, No Sex Appeal Episode LXXXVII: Bee Movie

You never know when the Squatch Watch is gonna surprise you and rip your dick off.

I hate BEEing alive. 

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Reel Deal, No Sex Appeal Episode LXXXVI: Broken Arrow

DID SOMEONE SAY NEWS? 

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Reel Deal, No Sex Appeal Episode LXXXV: Double Team

Did you know that Dennis Rodman used to play basketball? You didn't. Don't worry, Double Team is here to help. Chris watched a 9 hour long foreign Holocaust documentary and Parker watched two movies about ninjas starring a white guy. 

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Reel Deal, No Sex Appeal Episode LXXXIV: Road House

The streak of 'One of the Greatest Movies of All Time' continues with, well, one of the greatest movies of all time. Patrick Swayze doing tai chi brings up a lot of confused feelings in our dear lads, the gang has contentious takes on the film Burning, and Parker watched one of the best movies of 2018 and also Bohemian Rhapsody.

Listen to it here, but also watch this clip of Terry Funk getting kicked by a horse

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Reel Deal, No Sex Appeal Episode LXXXIII: Robocop

In which Parker and Alex do Chris a favor and force him to finally watch one of the greatest movies in history.

...Dumbass.

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Reel Deal, No Sex Appeal Episode LXXXII: Cold Pursuit

Your stepdad is gonna LOVE the racial humor in this movie.  

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Reel Deal, No Sex Appeal Episode LXXXI: Serenity

Holy. Shit. This episode is full of spoilers so please do yourself a favor and experience the movie for yourself beforehand. Serenity is one of the most genuinely baffling movies to hit theaters in a long time and I would be fine recording an episode about it every week for the rest of the year. 

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Reel Deal, No Sex Appeal Episode LXXX: Devil

Glass is here and...none of us wanted to see it. So instead we watched a movie that the cowards in Hollyweird were too chicken to call Hellevator. 

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Reel Deal, No Sex Appeal Episode LXXIX: Howard the Duck

ONE (1) HOUR AND FIFTY DING DONG MINUTES. FUCK YOU CHRIS.

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Reel Deal, No Sex Appeal Episode LXXVIII: Point Break

One of the greatest pieces of cinema of all time is complimented with one of the most powerful 'Squatch Watch marathons of all time. Truly an episode for the ages. 

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Reel Deal, No Sex Appeal Episode LXXVII: Batman and Harley Quinn

The gang is ready to have an extremely normal one with a very regular movie made by cool, normal, regular people who absolutely do not want to fuck this cartoon character. Nothing to see here. Just a completely normal movie. On a related note, not only do I not like Harley Quinn anymore, I don't think I like Batman, comic books, or the medium of animation. Throw it all in the trash. 

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Reel Deal, No Sex Appeal Episode LXXI: Addams Family Values

The gang is back after a short Thanksgiving hiatus. Chris, Parker, and Alex have a cornucopia of content to discuss. Kirk Cameron saves Christmas, Chris becomes intimate with the cruelest of intentions, and Ale-THE COSTUME IS MADE OF HUMAN HAIR. THE CAT IN THE HAT SUIT IS MADE OF HUMAN HAIR. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

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Reel Deal, No Sex Appeal Episode LXII: AVP - Alien vs Predator

 

Do you love Alien? Do you love Predator? Do you love solving puzzles nestled deep inside ancient Aztec temples in Antarctica that were created hundreds of years ago when the Predators came to Earth and were worshiped as Gods? Do we have a movie for you!

Chris continues his kaiju quest and nearly has his spirit broken by the absolute dirt worst Godzilla movie, Parker has a whopper of a slate of Dracula flicks, and Alex continues to punish them both for crimes committed in their past lives with The Game of Games. 

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The Game of Games: Week 1 Crankstravaganza

BA DA BA BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

The NFL season is upon us and the stakes have never been higher. Movie bets have become a tradition here at the Terrible Blog Zaibatsu, but, as they say, This Year is Different. Our dear sweet friend Alex took this simple idea of "let's make fun bets based on football games" that spawned from Swinging PizzaGate and twisted it into a vile concoction of vague rules, mistrust, bitterness, and chance. He has created...the Game of Games. 

Listen to the tail end of the Predator episode of Reel Deal to hear how the teams were chosen, especially if you want to hear a certain host scream in bewildered anger at 3 in the morning. 

Here are the lineups: 

Chris

Chiefs

Seahawks (3x Multiplier)

Broncos

Colts 

Saints

Falcons

Bucs

Panthers

Steelers 

Ravens

Inventory:

2 Risk Cards

3 Lifelines

2 Dragon Balls

Parker

Cowboys

Patriots

Lions

Jets

Dolphins

Bills

Ravens

Cardinals

Eagles

Falcons

Seahawks

Inventory:

1 Risk Card

4 Lifelines

NARY A DRAGON BALL TO BE FOUND 

Confused as to what any of this means? Join the club. It'll all make sense when Chris is watching Children of the Corn 666 instead of spending Christmas with his family. 

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Reel Deal, No Sex Appeal Episode LXI: Predator

Hey guys welcome to a new episode of Reel De-HOLY SHIT YALL I FINALLY SAW UPGRADE. 

Parker, Chris, and Alex discuss their favorite pastime: watching Arnold Schwarzenegger movies. We briefly run down its 2 sequels which are simultaneously hot garbage and good as hell, Chris watches both Silent Hill movies for some reason, and Alex reveals his masterpiece: The Game of Games

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Reel Deal, No Sex Appeal Episode LX: Johnny Mnemonic

Summer is nearly over. We've had months of sharks and squatches, but it's nearly spooky season. What better way to ease the transition than with Keanu Reeves in a cyberpunk thriller made by a guy who directed Megadeth music videos? Dolph Lundgren, Ice-T, and an ending twist that left us collectively speechless. Hack your brains with us. 

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Reel Deal, No Sex Appeal Episode LIX: Crank & Crank: High Voltage

If you tuned in last week, you might remember our fearless host Chris calling himself a Jason Statham Expert (not once, but twice) all the while without seeing nary a Crank. It's time to change that. 

Is Crank the best movie of our generation? Yes. Is it the most important movie of our generation? Also yes. 

There is a lot going on here. The news segment makes its grand return to the show, we talk Pretty Little Liars, and SANTA JAWS. One of our most packed episodes yet. 

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Reel Deal, No Sex Appeal Episode LVIII: The Meg

The gang's all here. Parker, Chris, Alex, and Alex combine on the only episode worthy of all four hosts being on at once: Jason Statham taking on a combination of A God Damn Megalodon and Chinese nationalism. 

We all came together as one for a common good and celebrated this occasion by playing bingo at Chris's expense. Take that, guy who puts the show together every week. 

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