Horror Movies in 2017 - I'm Mad As Hell About Sequels and I'm Gonna Tweet About It

2016 was an amazing year for horror. Not only were low budget, independent studios putting out some of my favorite movies of the year, but even major studios were consistently cranking out some solid scares. I'm still riding high off that sweet, sweet adrenaline rush so I decided to compile a constantly-updating, ever expanding list of big horror releases for this year. 

This will be updated throughout the year because amazing five star movies just appear out of nowhere at a festival in Toronto or Austin or pop up on Netfilx without warning. This will consist of all theatrical releases and then a smattering of notable Netflix/Hulu/Shudder exclusives as well as direct to DVD. I won't do every single one of those because I only have a finite amount of time left in this world. 


Underworld: Blood Wars
January 6
Director: Anna Foerster
Starring: Kate Beckinsale, Charles Dance, a bunch of pale people in black leather



Talk about starting this post off with a healthy dose of optimism and wide-eyed wonder and then slamming face first into a brick wall of garbage. 2016 saw a resurgence in studio horror and is arguably one of the best years for the genre since they heyday of they 80s. So how else would we start 2017 than with UNDERWORLD number *rummages through a stack of papers* five? Hand to God I would have believed you if you told me this was either part 4 or part 7. UNDERWORLD exists in a vacuum where time holds no currency. I have no idea how this franchise keeps going, and at this point I’m curious to see it just to find out what they fuck they’re hiding in those reels and how they keep making enough money to churn out another one. As bad as this most likely is, I fully endorse the ongoing continuation of any franchise built on vampires and werewolves fighting each other, regardless of quality. 


The Bye Bye Man 
January 13
Director: Stacy Title - I'm not 100% sure if that's a real name
Starring: Fuckin nobody



Split 
January 20
Director: M. Night Shyamalan
Starring: James McAvoy, Anya Taylor-Joy 



Look, we all know LADY IN THE WATER was an unwatchable piece of garbage and THE LAST AIRBENDER was a war crime. Nobody is disputing either of those things. THE VISIT was pretty good, James McAvoy is great in everything (even WANTED), and Anya Taylor-Joy was incredible in THE WITCH. So Professor X playing a man with 23 distinct personalities who intends to use Talyor-Joy as a sacrifice to feed to an unseen 24th personality is enough to convince me to give Shyamalan another chance. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me 8 times, shame on me. 

Resident Evil: The Final Chapter
January 27
Director: Paul W. S. Anderson
Starring: Milla Jovovich, Ali Larter, Iain Glenn



Hey hey the gang’s all here. This is a banner year for leather-clad women spin kicking CGI monsters in a greyscale downpour. In the sixth and probably not final chapter in the “if you watch it, they will come” franchise that will not die, Milla Jovo…java…ja…Alice returns to Raccoon City to tie up all loose ends and set things right, despite the literal Apocalypse happening 3 movies ago. Whatever, I’ll end up seeing it because I’m 5 movies deep and I don’t understand what “sunk cost fallacy” means.

Don't Knock Twice
February 3
Director: Caradog W. James
Starring: Katee Sackhoff, Lucy Boynton, Javier Botet



A girl and her boyfriend play a prank based on an urban legend that may or may not actually exist: they knock twice on the door of a witch named Mary Aminov, a name I will not Google. Spoilers: they get haunted a lot. A big spooky shadowy figure slams a bunch of doors and there’s a bunch of jump scares. 

The biggest surprise is this isn't the worst movie released on this date. That would be...

Rings 
February 3
Director: F. Javier Gutierrez 
Starring: A bunch of shitty kids and I'm pretty sure Vincent D'Onofrio shows up in a Skype call to talk about Bughuul again



It’s ironic: your life is cut short if you watch the tape and life is too short for me to sit through this.

A Cure For Wellness 
February 17
Director: Gore Verbinski 
Starring: Dane DeHaan, Jason Isaacs, Mia Goth, and a bunch of Swedish people 


Speaking of THE RING, Gore Verbinski is taking a break from Johnny Depp movies to return to horror with a film that looks like a combination of SHUTTER ISLAND and my fucking nightmares. Dane DeHaan, who is probably a good actor but will forever be that shit ass Green Goblin in my mind, is a hot young exectuive executive sent to retrieve the CEO of his company from a spooky health spa in the Alps. Weirdness with eels ensues. 

XX 
February 17
Director: Roxanne Benjamin, Karyn Kusama, Annie Clark, Jovanka Vuckovic 
Starring: It's an anthology, I'm not listing all these people. You monsters.  



First Ghostbusters, now anthology horror? What are women going to take next, huh? The Crypt Keeper? Freddy Kreuger? My virginity? 

XX is an anthology film where every segment is directed by and stars a woman. It’s movies like this that make me grateful that the IMDb boards are dead. At the helm are Annie Clark (St. Vincent), making her directorial debut; Kusama, the director of the amazing slow-burn white-knuckler THE INVITATION; Benjamin, director of the fantastic 2015 anthology film SOUTHBOUND; and Vuckovic making her feature debut after a handful of critically acclaimed shorts.

Get Out 
February 24
Director: Jordan Peele 
Starring: Daniel Kaluuya, Allison Williams, Bradley Whitford, Catherine Keener



I’m so excited for GET OUT I can’t even begin to describe it. Peele from KEY AND PEELE wrote and directed a thriller about a young black man visiting his white girlfriend’s family and learning that the estate’s residents - most of whom are black - have gone missing. I can only imagine how many hot takes my shithead uncle has about the real horror movie being about your daughter bringing home a black boyfriend. God I hate the South. 

The Girl with All the Gifts 
February 24
Director: Colm McCarthy 
Starring: Gemma Arterton, Dominique Tipper, Glenn Close



Alright guys I've got a movie for you. It's a dystopian future and this gi-shit, no come back. Ok as I was saying, it's a dystopian future and zombies have ra-seriously come back.

For real though this one is really good and definitely worth your time, and that's coming from someone who would rather watch his grandparents fuck than another zombie movie. 

Kong: Skull Island
March 10
Director: Jordan Vogt-Roberts
Starring: Tom Hiddleston, Samuel L. Jackson, Brie Larson, John C. Reilly, John Goodman



I know it doesn't count as horror, but I don't care. It's a big fuckin monkey fighting weird lizard monsters on Skull Island. If you're not all about this then get out of my life. 

Raw
March 10
Director: Julia Ducournau
Starring: Garance Marillier, Ella Rumpf



After achieving fame and success with Saturday Night Live, Beverly Hills Cop, and The Golden Child, Eddie Murphy released a fi-oh I'm sorry, it's actually *fumbles papers around* a young vegetarian being put through a carnivorous hazing ritual and developing a taste for meat. Well then, I'm sure this won't be utterly horrifying. Raw has tons of festival hype and with that trailer I can only assume there will be at least 3 to many dead, half-eaten animals on my screen. 

The Belko Experiment
March 17
Director: Greg McLean
Starring: Adria Arjona, Abraham Benrubi, Tony Goldwyn, Michael Rooker, John C. McGinley, John Gallagher Jr. 



80 workers are locked in their high-rise corporate office and are instructed to kill fellow coworkers or people will be killed off at random. Give me that premise written by James Gunn and I am fucking there. 

The Devil's Candy
March 17
Director: Sean Byrne
Starring: Ethan Embry, Shiri Appleby, Kiara Glasco



I kept hearing bits and pieces about this movie and for the longest time it wasn't on this list. Byrne's previous film THE LOVED ONES is pretty great, but I just hadn't seen or heard enough about THE DEVIL'S CANDY to know if it was going to be anything worth noting or another direct to DVD horror movie with a cool poster and nothing else. Then I saw it. You need to stop what you're doing and see this yesterday. 

Life
March 24
Director: Daniel Espinosa
Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Rebecca Ferguson, Ryan Reynolds


Can't wait for ALIEN: COVENANT? Well here it is, except way dumber. 


The Blackcoat’s Daughter
March 31
Director: Oz Perkins
Starring: Emma Roberts, Lucy Boynton, Kiernan Shipka



I'll be completely honest with you: I don't know a single thing about this movie except for the fact that it's directed by Anthony Perkins' son. The reason I'm including it here is because a year or two ago it played on a bunch of festivals under the title FEBRUARY and ever since then I've heard from every horror reviewer I follow how it's incredible. So with that being said, I hope you're excited for THE WITCH levels of backlash and condescending "uh actually it's not even scary." Because horror fans are the worst. 

Colossal
April 7
Director: Nacho Vigalondo 
Starring: Dan Stevens, Anne Hathaway, Jason Sudeikis



Yeah I know it's not horror, but it's a giant monster so it's going on the list. Tough titties. I know two things about COLOSSAL: Anne Hathaway somehow controls a kaiju in Seoul and the poster is incredible



Alien: Covenant
May 19
Director: Ridley Scott
Starring: Michael Fassbender, Katherine Waterston, James Franco, Noomi Rapace



The worst part about Alien: Covenant's trailer is that it's so good it made me forget all about Prometheus. Much like the crew of the Covenant, I have lowered my defenses and I don't know what I'm walking into. The aspect of this I'm low-key most excited about is the fact that Ridley Scott said he's willing to keep on cranking out ALIEN movies as long as people want. Suck a dick Neil Blomkamp, take your script and hit the bricks. That's what you get for making Chappie.

The Mummy
June 9
Director: Alex Kurtzman
Starring: Tom Cruise, Sofia Boutella, Annabelle Wallis, Russell Crowe


There are 3 reasons I am excited for another reboot of THE MUMMY. First off, I will see anything with Tom Cruise because that beautiful angel can do no wrong. Second, Russell Crowe as an unhinged Dr. Jekyll transforming into Mr. Hyde and beating the piss out of people with telephones. And most important of all, the fact that my life is void of meaning without cinematic universes to invest years into. 

It Comes at Night
June 9
Director: Trey Edward Shults
Starring: Riley Keough, Joel Edgerton, Christopher Abbott



That trailer didn't tell me a god damn thing, but considering the cast and the fact that A24 consistently puts out amazing movies I guess I'm on board. Let's see what A24 themselves had to say:

"Secure within a desolate home as an unnatural threat terrorizes the world, the tenuous domestic order he has established with his wife and son is put to the ultimate test with the arrival of a desperate young family seeking refuge. Despite the best intentions of both families, paranoia and mistrust boil over as the horrors outside creep ever-closer, awakening something hidden and monstrous within him as he learns that the protection of his family comes at the cost of his soul."

Wow that sounds cool. Probably should have put any of that in the trailer.


Amityville: The Awakening
June 30
Director: Franck Khalfoun
Starring: Cameron Monaghan, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Bella Thorne 



What would you do if I told you this was the seventh Amityville movie? Now what would you do if I told you that I lied and it's actually the seventeenth. It's probably going to be really good. Know how I know? Because it was supposed to come out in January of 2015. Then April of 2016. Then January of this year. As of right now it's due out June 30. The seventeenth installment of a series that has been bad since part 2 was probably so intense that they had to keep it on shelves for 2 years. It's gonna be GREAT. 

Wish Upon
June 30
Director: John R. Leonetti
Starring: a bunch of teens that look straight out of CW



Teenage girl discovers a magic box and then a bunch of monkey's paw nonsense happens. This looks like an incredible pile of garbage and I can't wait. 

The Dark Tower
August 4
Director: Nikolaj Arcel 
Starring: Katheryn Winnick, Matthew McConaughey, Idris Elba



Studios have been trying to make THE DARK TOWER work as a movie since 2007, and considering the fact that it's out in 4 months and I still don't have a trailer, I'm not going to believe it until I'm sitting in the theater. This isn't a direct adaptation but a sequel to the book series, and I can't say much more than that without spoiling the books. Not that I could spoil much, because I haven't read anything more complicated than Goosebumps in 16 years. What I do know however is that McConaughey is playing an evil sorcerer so I'll see you guys there at midnight. 

Annabelle 2
August 11
Director: David F. Sandberg
Starring: Miranda Otto, Javier Botet, Stephanie Sigman



This was originally scheduled for May, but ALIEN took its spot and they wisely moved this to a dead period in the year. 

I don’t want to say I’m excited per se, but I really like what Blumhouse is doing now with sequels to these bad first movies. They did the same thing with Ouija: The first one was trash but made a shitton of money so they gave the sequel to a good horror director and let him do his own thing. They’re doing the same thing here, giving the reigns to the director of last year’s LIGHTS OUT and telling him it doesn’t have to tie in to the original. I’m not saying it’ll be great, but I’m saying that minute long teaser is better than anything in the first movie. 

Death Note
August 25 (Netflix Exclusive) 
Director: Adam Wingard
Starring: Lakeith Stanfield, Willem Dafoe, Margaret Qualley



Everyone deserves a second chance. Sure everyone hated BLAIR WITCH, but THE GUEST is my favorite movie this decade so I’m still excited for this…anime adaptation. Ah geez. In all seriousness though, Wingard adapting a series about a kid finding a notebook that lets him kill anyone on Earth and then casting Willem Dafoe as a God of Death has me on board.

It 
September 8
Director: Andrés Muschietti
Starring: Bill Skarsgård, Finn Wolfhard, Javier Botet




Sweet merciful Christ almighty. Every single one of my chilhood fears was jampacked into on trailer. Part 1 of the newest adaptation of Stephen King's novel will focus on the Loser's Club, or as you might remember it, the only good parts from the 90s TV special. Will this include the child orgy? Only time will tell. 

Flatliners
September 29
Director: Niels Arden Oplev
Starring: Nina Dobrev, Ellen Page, Diego Luna

I’ll be honest, I’m still not 100% certain that this isn’t a joke 

Suspiria 
October 13 
Director: Luca Guadagnino 
Starring: Dakota Johnson, Chloe Grace Moretz, Tilda Swinton

Because of course.

Insidious: Chapter 4
October 20
Director: Adam Robitel
Starring: Spencer Locke, Javier Botet, Lin Shaye

Usually they stop putting numbers in titles at this point. Just when you thought Chapter 3 tanked the franchise like so many Blumhouse sequels in the past have done before (I don’t see a Sinister 3 on this list), THE TAKING OF DEBORAH LOGAN’s director is here to (hopefully) right the ship after the garbage pile that was 3. Hopefully Lin Shay powerbombs more demons on King Kai’s planet or whatever the fuck happened last time.


God Particle 
October 27
Director: Julius Onah
Starring: Elizabeth Debicki, Gugu Mbatha-Raw, Daniel Brühl 

The only thing that’s known about the plot is that a bunch of astronauts aboard a space station discover something and it fucks their whole shit up. Also the movie’s title is probably gonna get changed so it can get crammed into the CLOVERFIELD universe. 

Saw: Legacy 
October 27
Directors: Michael and Peter Spierig
Starring: Laura Vandervoort, Tobin Bell, Callum Keith Rennie

I love these movies and I don’t care who knows. They further they bend over backwards trying to extend the continuity of a franchise that killed its only good character in movie 3 (yet still brings him back in flashbacks for the next 4 movies), the happier I am. 

It doesn’t even need to be good. More than anything I miss having a yearly installment of something to see in theaters on Halloween. 


Nosferatu
October 31
Director: David Lee Fisher
Stars: Sarah Carter, Doug Jones, Joely Fisher

I was so fucking excited for this I couldn’t even think straight. That was when it was announced that the director of THE WITCH was attached to it. That is no longer the case, and now there is a hole in my heart that cinema can not fix. Even if it won’t be the masterpiece I was anticipating, Doug Jones - a man who has made a career out of portraying terrifying monsters - playing Count Orlok should haunt me for weeks.


Not Happening in 2017

Don’t get your hopes up for the new Halloween, Friday the 13th, or World War Z 2. And while we’re on the subject, if David Fincher actually directs WWZ2 I’ll eat my own balls.


TBA
Here’s some good stuff (and also some bad stuff) coming out this year that doesn’t have a date yet.

Gerald’s Game

Director: Mike Flanagan
Starring: Carla Gugino, Henry Thomas, Bruce Greenwood

Mike Flanagan has been on a roll since Oculus, and he’s been very vocal about how important Stephen King’s is to him. So imagine my excitement when it was announced Netflix was gonna throw a bunch of money at him to adapt a very R rated story. A couple goes to a remote lake house to spice up their dull marriage. They’re about to get into some freaky shit when he dies without warning, leaving her alone and handcuffed to the bed frame.

Cult of Chucky

Director: Don Mancini
Starring: Fiona Dourif, Brad Dourif, Jennifer Tilly

Mancini did a soft reboot of the CHILDS PLAY franchise with CURSE OF CHUCKY and in all honesty it wasn’t half bad. You know what that means: if there’s some meat on that bone, it’s getting a sequel. I’ll be honest, I wrote a couple of sentences about the plot, but I deleted it. Here’s the Cliffnotes version: Fiona Dourif is in an asylum and they give her a Good Guy doll. Shenanigans ensue.

Death Wish
Director: Eli Roth
Starring: Bruce Willis, Vincent D’Onofrio

What the fuck? Is this real? Am I real? How did this happen? 


Jeepers Creepers 3: Cathedral
It’s hard to be excited for this movie, what with the director fucking little boys and all.

Hellraiser: Judgement
Earth will ice over before they let the rights to this franchise slip away from them.

Day of the Dead
I feel the same way about zombie movies as I do The Joker - I don’t need to see either one again for at least 5 years.

Leatherface
I don’t know what the bigger red flag is: the fact that it’s about a teenage Leatherface, the fact that there are two directors listed on IMDb, or the fact that it’s been filmed, edited, and completed for months now and it’s just sitting there with no release date in sight. Who am I kidding, it’ll probably be great. Do your thing, cuz.


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