SEASON'S GREETINGS, BRAH
Robert James "Gronk" Gronkowski has officially been suspended one week by the National Football League. Speaking as a die-hard, unapologetic fanboy, I am in favor of this suspension. His hit, which I will not embed in this blog post, was illegal, unnecessary, and totally out of line. That much is not being debated any serious-minded people. Nevertheless, I have been asked my thoughts about this situation by no less than five people since this happened. I've decided to collect my thoughts in this blog post, and will refer to it when the next person asks me if I think the All-Pro tight end ought to be jettisoned into the heart of the sun. What follows are ten points that I think are absolutely and inherently true.
Someone actually drew this.
Tekken: The Motion Picture
Directed by: Kunihisa Sugishima
Written by: Ryota Yamaguchi
Runtime: under an hour
I'm not entirely sure how long it's been since I began writing about the Tekken series, but I've never been one to give up on finishing what I start (unless it's my dreams). It's not like this has been a special review, long in the making: I've just been putting it off because I know exactly what it is. For me personally, Tekken died right after Tekken 3, so the initial plan was only to write about anything from the first game to the third, with anything in between. Sadly, this includes the anime that Japan saw fit to release on January 21st, 1998.
Directed by: Robert Clouse
Starring: Bruce Lee, John Saxon, Jim Kelly (the martial artist, not the former Buffalo Bills quarterback)
Release date: July 26, 1973
Runtime: 102 minutes
Jackie Chan gets his ass kicked: three times!
Keanu Reeves plays John Wick, an ex-hitman who fell in love with beautiful Bridget Moynahan, who is on screen for all of 3 minutes before dying of a terminal disease. To ensure John doesn't grieve alone, she arranges for a dog to be delivered to him after her death. Alfie Allen, the guy from Game of Thrones who diddles his sister on horseback, breaks into John's house and beats him up and steals his sweet ass muscle car. And just for good measure, he kill his puppy. It’s essentially every country song ever: John loses his wife, his dog, and his truck, but at least he still has his gee-tar and an ice cold Bud Light. It turns out Alfie is the son of a mob boss - John's former employer. Long story short, a whole lot of people get shot in the face. What I’m trying to tell you is there is a direct parallel between this movie and the scene in Dragon Ball Z where those guys kill Majin Buu’s dog.
I still remember the first time I saw The Raid:Redemption. I lived with my parents at the time and it was about 3 in the morning when I turned it on, meaning I spent the next 100 minutes making a series of high pitched noises and squeals in an attempt to not scream JESUS FUCKING CHRIST every couple of minutes. So when The Raid 2 was announced I felt like a kid on Christmas. Between The Raid and the Safe Haven segment from V/H/S 2 I had already decided I was going to see anything Gareth Evans put out until he gave me a reason not to. It was in theaters for about 20 minutes before getting pulled, and I waited weeks after I saw HD rips posted on torrent sites just to experience it in full Blu Ray glory in my modest home theater. I’m so happy I waited.