Robocop (2014) - Bruce Wayne and Commissioner Gordon Create Batman

A reboot of a classic movie gets farted into theaters the week of Valentine’s Day - and it’s not terrible. That’s almost as impressive as actually building a real, living Robocop. 

Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014) - I Didn't Ask For My Money Back

You have a Transformers movie. You have Mark Wahlberg, who sang “The Touch” in Boogie Nights. You combine these two things - and you don’t play the song. Not even during the credits. You throw in a My Little Pony joke, but I can’t have the poooowweeeeeeeer? Fuck this.

Evil Dead II - Dead By Dawn

Evil Dead II (1987)

Directed by: Sam Raimi 

Starring: Bruce Campbell and 4 other people 

Release date: March 13, 1987

Running time: 84 minutes

Back again in my continuing series of "the most important movies of a particular genre that I've never seen." Up until I started this, I had never seen an entire Evil Dead movie, but sat through that entire piece of shit White Noise where Michael Keaton sees ghosts in video tapes. The first step is admitting you have a problem...

This is the part where I'd normally warn about spoilers, but I think I'm the last person from my generation to watch it, so why bother? Big chinned idiot plays a tape, puts a chainsaw on his hand, kills demons. It's your standard Shakesperean farce. 

Tales from the Crypt - The Switch (Season 2, Episode 2)

The Switch

Season 2 - Episode 2

from Tales from the Crypt #45

Aired April 21, 1990
Directed by Arnold Schwarzenegger

Worst pun: “no pain, no gain.” 

To woo a lovely femme, a wealthy codger trades bodes with a hunk. But there's a switch to The Switch.

Non-Stop (2014) - Taken 2.5

Liam Neeson is Bryan Mills Bill Marks, an ex CIA Agent air marshal on an international flight that gets hijacked. It’s not a madman waving a gun, it’s an anonymous passenger texting Marks, telling him that unless $150 million is placed in an account, someone on the plane will die every 20 minutes. Will he find the terrorist and save his daughter from an Albanian sex trade? 

Tales from the Crypt - Dead Right (Season 2, Episode 1)

Dead Right

Season 2 - Episode 1

from Shock SuspenStories #6

Aired April 21, 1990
Directed by Howard Deutch

Worst pun: “when Charlie got his just desserts…he requested seconds.” 

For the money, honey! A gold digger marries a slob in hopes of gaining an inheritance.

I, Frankenstein - You Either Die a Hero, Or You Live Long Enough to See Yourself Become Frankenstein

Gargoyles, who are actually angels, who transform into humans dressed like they’re from Prince of Persia team up with Frankenstein’s Monster who has super strength, speed, and has been alive for 300 years to stop a Demon Prince from creating an army of the undead using the dead Dr. Frankenstein’s journal. I feel like that sentence and that gif could be the entire review.